Back to Basics: The Art of Starting Over

Yes Gawd, we’re doing this again...Starting Over! 

Personally, I’m not a big fan of doing it; but if it’s necessary then so be it. Truth is no one likes to constantly have to keep up the pieces of your broken (side eye) life in an attempt to make it recognizable again. We as humans mess up, so much so often that the act seems never ending. But I want to challenge that. It isn’t that the act doesn’t seem to stop, it’s that we as flawed creatures flow from one bad choice or decision to another so quickly that we don’t give ourselves enough time to recover.

Now think about that. We knowingly allow ourselves to go from one thing to the next blindly; not even using our inner GPS to navigate and have the nerve to expect a different outcome. Sounds crazy right? Because it is people! It’s the very definition of insanity.

I’m guilty of making the same low brow decisions we all tend to make when we’re searching (just like the Mary J Blige song) for something that we don’t know how to name; even if it had a name, could we put voice to it? 

I got stuck in a rotation (not a man’s rotation...LOL!), but a pattern rotation. Full disclosure, I’m one of those people who has a hard time sticking to one creative subject at a time. What I mean by that is, I’m a writer by nature. I have been doing so since childhood, and God willing will continue to do so successfully. My problem is I have no patience for the amount of time it takes to achieve my own personal goals involving my writing. I get frustrated, and in that frustration I become discouraged and I stop. I tell myself it’s a break, but the only thing broken is me; there in starts my vicious cycle of neglecting the love of my professional life; my stories. 

This go around, I needed to figure out why I neglected myself so much, I came up with several possibilities in an effort to fix whatever had been broken. But I still hadn’t dealt with it and tried to fix the problem aesthetically by changing the name of my blog (which I actually love ❤️) on this platform and on Facebook. I signed up for every Pop Up Shop, Event, booking that seemed interesting. I dove into changing the layout of my table arrangements when I attended events ( I like to call them tours). But all those things I had planned to do regardless, and didn’t replace the "not good enough attitude" that I brought with me; I didn’t bring it on purpose, I just didn’t know how to put it down. 

So what else would a writer that couldn’t write do? Take a lot of notes! No, but seriously; I backed off. It wasn’t until I took a long, honest look at what led me to nearly giving up that I understood how to keep going. 

I wasn’t happy (I know your like, who is?), but I couldn’t keep disregarding my feelings because in comparison to someone else it was on the lower end of the spectrum. That’s what I...WE do when we don’t want to deal with the meat and potatoes if an issue; we put everyone else ahead of our own need to be taken care of. In doing that we become negative, bitter, angry, unsettled, and undervalued. Then we slowly break down mentally, physically, and our health declines (Speaking from personal experience)

What happens at that point? Well...breakdown. It’s not all bad; even though it feels that way. It’s gives you the chance to re-build and guess what? START OVER!! Ahhh, the art of starting over.

I changed EVERYTHING! Because I’m a creative it did include physical changes to my living space. Hey, I’m a visual creator; my space has to reflect my feelings. I got ride of all the dark colors that surrounded me, and replaced them with more illuminating ones. I still maintained some dark colors (I have children, I’m not crazy),and introduced pops of color, for instance red and silver to create a balance. It sounds mediocre, but it’s works! Bringing in lighter/brighter colors (that will reflect natural daylight, and simultaneously helps with the light bill, lol) can allow you to be more present and awake, which can allow for more free thinking and creating. 

I began to listen to motivational speakers. They are all not created equal, so you have to find the one who speaks to you and the situations. Once that happens, you have to remember through all their speeches of strength; remember they’re speaking to large groups of people so their advise can be very generic. That doesn’t lessen the message, you just have to identify which one resonates with you and make that your beginning to winning; in short, making you more active and open to a different way of thinking.

The next thing I did was CLEAN UP MY MESS! Literally, I got into my closets and corners and threw out things I didn’t remember I had. I got rid of oversized furniture peices, and tried to make an attempt at the minimalist lifestyle. The minimalist thing isn’t quite for me, but I can appreciate its principles; I have adopted a smaller lifestyle in terms of not acquiring things I don’t really have a purpose or need of having. I’m a work in progress! Glam isn’t built in a day! 

At this point in my blog, I would close out with a final task that I’ve initiated and share with all of you; I’m not going to do that. My final task, isn’t yours. We all have things we need to do that is very close to our soul and has to be kept very close. Giving voice to this is very important, but only after they’ve been identified, pursued, and executed with proficiency; I haven’t done that yet, in truth I’m still working on it. In order for me to complete them I have to (just for me) list them in my head and work on each one everyday. They’re not so personal that I can’t share, I absolutely can. I want to accomplish them first. Everything I talked about previously, I’ve done. I don’t just speak from a place of opinion, but from action and execution. I want to share advise that I’ve actually done, not to just tell people what they should do, think, and feel for the Hell of it. I want you guys to understand I’ve been there, in some ways I’m still there, and I will come out the other side with you. 

We all take this journey through life together, and not a single one of us is 100% sure where it leads and the winding paths it’ll take us down. But I do know this...IT WON’T TAKE US DOWN (if you know what I mean)! 

Until Next Time We Chat 💋🍸 

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Get your copy of THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A FULL FIGURED FASHIONISTA PART I available on AMAZON.COM at the link below! Part II in this story is COMING SOON! Stay ready for THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A FULL FIGURED FASHIONISTA II: I’M NO ANGEL 

http://www.amazon.com/Life-Times-Full-Figured-Fashionista-ebook/dp/B00ZOL17ZW/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1435012538&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=Then+life+%26+times++of+a+full+figured+fashionista

Results Of Protective Styling Natural Hair

Hello people happy Sunday! I’m using a different (for me) form of protective styling using box braids with extensions. Using this style for a few months and I can already see a difference. As I kid I never grew up getting my hair braiding my mom would always ponytail my hair, mostly because I’m tender headed and it would be too painful for me to sit through getting cornrows or any other protective style. As I got older I ventured out a bit, dyed my hair, cut it, curled it, BASICALLY damaged it as most girls do when they’re learning their hair for the first time. 

Now that I’ve got a little more age I’ve turned #Natural and have been so for about about 8 years. I’ve recent begun to braid mine and my daughters hair (mostly due to the ability to just wake up and go, lol) but I’m starting to see the benefits for this type of styling ( though it hurts, even when I do it myself). 

The other protective styles I would use would be Bantu Knots, loose twists, or box braiding my natural hair. But using the box braid style with extensions seems to be the best option for a busy, single mom.

Do you have natural hair? How long have you been natural? And how do you protect your hair?

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And on Instagram at: DominiqueThaWriter

HELLO DECEMBER ❄️

❄️De-stressing from the stressors:

Yup, it the most STRESSFUL time of the year...The Holiday Season 🤶🏾🎅🏾😩. With this wonderful season comes anxiety, depression, super super highs, and the worst lows imaginable. In trying to re-focus on my income goals, performance, and creative aspersions I've realized that I have get rid of my stressors first by identifying them and coming up with a plan to wrap up this year, paired with a clear focus for the New Year.

What are my (our) stressors (a general statement)

- Financial Roadblocks

- Work

- Personal Projects 

- Family Expectations 

- Time Management 

- Social Engagements

- Entrepreneurial Goals

- Mental/Physical Health 

🎁TIME FOR PRESENTS!

✨These are some basic ways to build stepping stones to start taking care of yourself . We all have too many responsibilities that tend to weight us down in every way imaginable, it’s only fair that in the changing climate we internalize our focuses and make ourselves a priority.

🤶🏾 Financial Roadblocks:

       Get serious about your debt (old/new) that still make a reappearance ever so often (student loans). Come up with a game plan on how to rid yourself of the burden. Take away things that you’re splurging on that isn’t utilized in your normal everyday routine. Pay down one debt at a time, then move on to the next. And so on, until it’s done.

🎅🏾 Work:

       This is one of the hardest; even for me. If you feel undervalued and unappreciated make a boss move. Don’t let these you only need a High School diploma jobs determine your worth. When you first started that job, you said to yourself it was just until you get stable...but you haven’t gotten stable yet! So, what’s next? Move on! Develop your craft, self educate as best you can, devise a way to be financially independent or at least maneuver yourself to a place that if you lost that job your bills will still get paid. 

🤶🏾 Personal Projects:

       What are you waiting for? Do it! It doesn’t matter who supports you or not, just as long as you have the drive and vision to see the project through from start to finish.

🎅🏾 Family Expectations:

       This is a tough for us all, but you are not obligated to care for adults who are not mentally/physically/ or due to age incapable of taking care of themselves. Often we find ourselves taking care of family members because of the circumstances they put themselves into, while expecting someone to bail them out. YOU ARE NOT SUPER SAVE A HOE! It is not your job to swoop down from buildings in a single bound to rescue an perfectly healthy adult(s)from a bad situation that they willingly entered into. 

🤶🏾 Time Management:

       Be stingy with your time! Your time is worth more then people are willing to give you credit for. When you give your time to any person, place, thing, or organization that time you can’t get back so you cannot afford to waste it, there is also time you could have used to dedicate to something that was really important for you. Choose how you spend your time wisely when it comes to people, events and other things that occur.

🎅🏾 Social Engagements:

       Don’t use this time of year to be all in your feelings and neglect people that do care about you. It’s a good idea to take yourself away from particular stressors and gather in a group of good people Who can keep you accountable, focused, honest, current and creative.

🤶🏾 Entrepreneurial Goals: 

       If you don’t know it already, then you need to find the thing that makes you want to improve your current circumstances. We are not born to pay bills and die, there are things each of us want to achieve in a certain amount of time or at the very least before we are called home. Find and/or develop your talent. Hone the craft in attempt to make that work for you. Which will give you financial freedom if your willing to put in the work!

🎅🏾 Mental/Physical Health:

       The new year isn’t an end goal to take care of things that you know you should have taken care of years ago. Don’t wait for the new year to come in to decide you want to become physically, financially, emotionally, mentally healthy. Work on the state of your health right now as you’re reading this December Goal suggestion. If you’re not mentally prepared then you won’t be able to get through all the negative reactions that people in new places can give you when you’re trying something new for the first time. If you’re not physically healthy you won’t be able to endure the environmental things that Has to be overcome when you have to move from one area to another area. If you’re not emotionally healthy you won’t be able to separate people giving you constructive criticism from people giving you criticism in such a way as to discourage you from proceeding any farther. 

❄️ Thank for reading 📖 I hope to see you in the New Year so we can start this journey all over again. Mamas got a brand NEW bag 💰

How Full Is Your Cup 🥃

This post is completely off the cuff and unexpected, but I’m writing (contemplating actually posting it) all the same. The question I bring to you is, How Full Is Your Cup? I know this is such a strange question, but walk with me a little bit. 

Some people like to depict events, occasions, etc as metaphors; for instance life. In the title line of this post the metaphor for life is the cup, and the events that cause the cup to become full, empty, or somewhere in between are the occurrences that we encounter everyday from people, to work, to how we unwind and relate to others. This is a very common phrase and mostly used as a unit of measure to gage one’s faith in something or someone. 

It’s said that when you "give from your cup" that it has to be replenished (duh, we of course it does insert eye roll here, lol) and if you can’t replenish it it’s your own fault for giving something away that is crucially valuable to sustaining your own existence. So, the phrase has been modified to what we come to know now as "you give from your overflow" doing this ensures that "your cup" will never empty and you’ll be able to love and live your best life and contribute to whatever you’ve committed yourself to doing. But back to the original question, How Full Is Your Cup?

Some of us attempt to give from our overflow, but accidentally dip into our own life preserving cup without realizing we did it; I’m one of those people (so, I’m speaking from my own experience. I’m no expert in any capacity, I’m just speaking my truth. After all These Are My Chronicles, lol). 

I know you’re like, "Dom, what the hell are you talking about?" But follow me for a minute. I’ve been a friend, girlfriend, wife, mother and now that I can now add Single to that list I’ve realized that although I want to put myself out "there" and embrace my freedom and connectivity with other people; I’m reluctant to do so. I can’t give what I don’t have. If my cup was a car, and in order to be mobile I needed gas; then honey my light would be on, flashing cause I’m using my reserve tank on the highway with no gas stations in sight, with no damn roadside assistance, and a dead cell phone battery.

I know, I know I’m outgoing as hell; most of the time I am, I’m a Gemini it’s my superpower, but like everyone else I have my moments when I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I don’t know how to articulate at times, I lose focus on what really makes me happy (I probably don’t really know what that is, catch), I have a ton of conflicting ideas and emotions and I can contribute all those things and more to giving away so much of me that I don’t have enough to sustain. Which brought about the title question. 

For months I’ve been isolating myself in an attempt to convince my soul that I needed to take me time to sort out the hits life keeps bestowing on me. Part of that is 100% truth, only recently it dawned on me that there is another level to my isolation. I don’t have any internal energy to give to myself, so I’m draining myself not only without realizing it, I’m also not replenishing what I’ve lost. If anything I’m justifying the loss with the other common phrase "It is, what it is." 

For me, there’s no recycling process happening. I’m not turning experience into productive energy. Instead I’m sitting in it, and when repugnant things happen I not only blame myself, but I blame myself. I’ve owned my role so much that I’ve almost convinced myself I deserve it. Then the Gemini in me fights back and this vicious tug of war happens and I’m right back where I started. I want to run, but my weaker side says I can’t. I want to sing, but the weaker side says I can’t carry a tune, I want to be better than my current circumstance then my weaker side says look at your situation.I think a psychologist would call that self sabotage; I have to say I wouldn’t disagree. 

SIDE BAR: That is the reason why I’ve always had a problem with the phrase "Strong Black Woman." Strong black woman my ass! We break down like any other women would. Yes, pressure makes diamonds; but at what cost to the diamond’s integrity? A women’s worth should NOT be measured in the amount of pain she can endure. In my humble opinion the phrase is used as an excuse to treat women badly and justify it by making her work harder and not let it show for the exact same result or outcome. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? We are taught not to show hurt, pain, depression, anxiety. We’re taught to bury that shit down deep and don’t talk to anyone but Jesus about it. In the meantime, your sanity is hanging by a thread.

This post isn’t a cry for help, more like self evaluation. Most people would much rather ignore their issues and stew in them forever, not me. If I can realize this is happening, well then I can make it un-happen. How? Good question. I don’t have all the answers, like you I have more questions then answers. But I can practice what I preach by committing myself to actually filling and maintaining a healthy balance in my "cup."

Ideas 💡 for filling my cup:

1. Stop looking for others to appreciate me;appreciate myself.

2. Before I go too far, ask myself "why am I upset" Don’t ever Fill the Cup with anger!

3. Don’t entertain any foolishness from anyone, including family and friends.

4. Understand that yes, I have to own up to my character flaws. But not so much so that I turn in to Eeyore (from Winnie The Pooh, whom is speculated to be the character thatrepresents depression.) not all things are my fault, everyone is accountable.

5. Take my me time. Stop making "me time" plans with no follow through. 

6. De clutter as much as possible, literally and metaphorically (I’ve already started this one). 

As I come up with more ideas on how to "Fill My Cup" I’ll post them to my Facebook page at These Are My Chronicles Blog. If you have any suggestions or what to share feel free! The link is below:

These Are My Chronicles Blog: 

https://www.facebook.com/TheseAreMyChronicles17/

The Diary Of a FAT Fashionista (Retro Style)

Join the conversation here or on Facebook at These Are My Chronicles: https://www.facebook.com/TheseAreMyChronicles17/

October Goals

Happy OCTOBER 🎃 Beautiful People 💋 New Month, MORE Goals, and implementing an array of strategies: 

1. For the single parents: we’ve gotten over the hump of back to school, this is the time where we have to sit down with a notebook, calculator, and a plan. Holidays are fast approaching and with that comes multiple changes in finance,weather and circumstances. Plan as best you can for all these things that could impact your family and wallet. 

2. Be more active in YOUR OWN DEVELOPMENT. I can’t speak for anyone, but this time of year I’m at my most creative. Ideas seem to emerge for nowhere. Keeping track of them can become difficult, so I keep my planner handy and a notepad and pen within reach when I get struck with an idea or concept. 

3. Because the pace seems to pick up this time of year, please remember to make time to relax. We can become bombarded with the details of daily life that we forget to check out and replenish. MAKE TIME TO RELAX. Take a hot bath/shower, go for a walk with your Fitbit, have coffee alone at your favorite dinner, or read a book that is realistic, interesting, and with amazing storylines I.E. The LIFE & TIMES BOOK  which can be found on Amazon available in digital and print versions: click the link below for details. 

FASHION IS MORE THAN WALKING THE RUNWAY, ITS A BUSINESS WHERE ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE. View a FREE sample from Life & Times of a Full Figured Fashionista PART I on Kindle at the link below:

http://www.amazon.com/Life-Times-Full-Figured-Fashionista-ebook/dp/B00ZOL17ZW/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1435012538&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=Then+life+%26+times++of+a+full+figured+fashionista

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Fashion Plus Blog is NOW These Are My Chronicles

NEW BLOG, NEW SERIES, NEW CONVERSATIONS!

Hello my loves! I know I’ve been gone for a while, and trust me we’ll get into all that soon. Over the past few years since beginning the blog I’ve grown and encountered situations and experiences that I want to share with my subscribers. When I was trying to re-vamp the blog the title name came into question. So, in dreaming up new conversations starters the new title THESE ARE MY CHRONICLES seemed to fit the new direction I want to take with my writing and blogging. Please Like and Subscribe to new new Facebook page dedicated to daily conversations at https://www.facebook.com/TheseAreMyChronicles17/ These are just a few of the new series that I’ll be working on:

* FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM @ DominiqueThaWriter ✌🏾& on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/TheseAreMyChronicles17/