Yes Gawd, we’re doing this again...Starting Over!
Personally, I’m not a big fan of doing it; but if it’s necessary then so be it. Truth is no one likes to constantly have to keep up the pieces of your broken (side eye) life in an attempt to make it recognizable again. We as humans mess up, so much so often that the act seems never ending. But I want to challenge that. It isn’t that the act doesn’t seem to stop, it’s that we as flawed creatures flow from one bad choice or decision to another so quickly that we don’t give ourselves enough time to recover.
Now think about that. We knowingly allow ourselves to go from one thing to the next blindly; not even using our inner GPS to navigate and have the nerve to expect a different outcome. Sounds crazy right? Because it is people! It’s the very definition of insanity.
I’m guilty of making the same low brow decisions we all tend to make when we’re searching (just like the Mary J Blige song) for something that we don’t know how to name; even if it had a name, could we put voice to it?
I got stuck in a rotation (not a man’s rotation...LOL!), but a pattern rotation. Full disclosure, I’m one of those people who has a hard time sticking to one creative subject at a time. What I mean by that is, I’m a writer by nature. I have been doing so since childhood, and God willing will continue to do so successfully. My problem is I have no patience for the amount of time it takes to achieve my own personal goals involving my writing. I get frustrated, and in that frustration I become discouraged and I stop. I tell myself it’s a break, but the only thing broken is me; there in starts my vicious cycle of neglecting the love of my professional life; my stories.
This go around, I needed to figure out why I neglected myself so much, I came up with several possibilities in an effort to fix whatever had been broken. But I still hadn’t dealt with it and tried to fix the problem aesthetically by changing the name of my blog (which I actually love ❤️) on this platform and on Facebook. I signed up for every Pop Up Shop, Event, booking that seemed interesting. I dove into changing the layout of my table arrangements when I attended events ( I like to call them tours). But all those things I had planned to do regardless, and didn’t replace the "not good enough attitude" that I brought with me; I didn’t bring it on purpose, I just didn’t know how to put it down.
So what else would a writer that couldn’t write do? Take a lot of notes! No, but seriously; I backed off. It wasn’t until I took a long, honest look at what led me to nearly giving up that I understood how to keep going.
I wasn’t happy (I know your like, who is?), but I couldn’t keep disregarding my feelings because in comparison to someone else it was on the lower end of the spectrum. That’s what I...WE do when we don’t want to deal with the meat and potatoes if an issue; we put everyone else ahead of our own need to be taken care of. In doing that we become negative, bitter, angry, unsettled, and undervalued. Then we slowly break down mentally, physically, and our health declines (Speaking from personal experience)
What happens at that point? Well...breakdown. It’s not all bad; even though it feels that way. It’s gives you the chance to re-build and guess what? START OVER!! Ahhh, the art of starting over.
I changed EVERYTHING! Because I’m a creative it did include physical changes to my living space. Hey, I’m a visual creator; my space has to reflect my feelings. I got ride of all the dark colors that surrounded me, and replaced them with more illuminating ones. I still maintained some dark colors (I have children, I’m not crazy),and introduced pops of color, for instance red and silver to create a balance. It sounds mediocre, but it’s works! Bringing in lighter/brighter colors (that will reflect natural daylight, and simultaneously helps with the light bill, lol) can allow you to be more present and awake, which can allow for more free thinking and creating.
I began to listen to motivational speakers. They are all not created equal, so you have to find the one who speaks to you and the situations. Once that happens, you have to remember through all their speeches of strength; remember they’re speaking to large groups of people so their advise can be very generic. That doesn’t lessen the message, you just have to identify which one resonates with you and make that your beginning to winning; in short, making you more active and open to a different way of thinking.
The next thing I did was CLEAN UP MY MESS! Literally, I got into my closets and corners and threw out things I didn’t remember I had. I got rid of oversized furniture peices, and tried to make an attempt at the minimalist lifestyle. The minimalist thing isn’t quite for me, but I can appreciate its principles; I have adopted a smaller lifestyle in terms of not acquiring things I don’t really have a purpose or need of having. I’m a work in progress! Glam isn’t built in a day!
At this point in my blog, I would close out with a final task that I’ve initiated and share with all of you; I’m not going to do that. My final task, isn’t yours. We all have things we need to do that is very close to our soul and has to be kept very close. Giving voice to this is very important, but only after they’ve been identified, pursued, and executed with proficiency; I haven’t done that yet, in truth I’m still working on it. In order for me to complete them I have to (just for me) list them in my head and work on each one everyday. They’re not so personal that I can’t share, I absolutely can. I want to accomplish them first. Everything I talked about previously, I’ve done. I don’t just speak from a place of opinion, but from action and execution. I want to share advise that I’ve actually done, not to just tell people what they should do, think, and feel for the Hell of it. I want you guys to understand I’ve been there, in some ways I’m still there, and I will come out the other side with you.
We all take this journey through life together, and not a single one of us is 100% sure where it leads and the winding paths it’ll take us down. But I do know this...IT WON’T TAKE US DOWN (if you know what I mean)!
Until Next Time We Chat ππΈ
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