It's a matter of perception!

How do you view your world?

When you see a georgous woman in a professional, recreational, or casual setting what are your first thoughts when you see her? What do you notice first? Most women are skilled in the art of perception. We can make you see, feel, and hear what we want; but one thing that cannot be manipulated is the impression she leaves on you. I think Maya Angelou said it best when she said " I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, But people will never forget how you made them feel." 

To me that all perception really boils down to is how you make people feel when they come into contact with you. Or more commonly known as impression. Have you ever heard the phrase,you only make a first impress once? Sometimes making a speaking first impression isn't as crucial as making a visual first impression. In our society were judged on looks far more often than we are judged by the words that leave our mouths. At first glance some people think that they've got you completely figured you out; for example, your style of dress or way of speaking may cause people to believe that you are one way verses another. That assumption could be completely wrong; but again that's their visual perception of who you are, thus they "judge" based on that perception.

When it comes to work perfecting perception is crucial! From your interview to retirement you are being scrutinized for everything you do. For the contor of your speech to the style of dress you prefer. Employers need you to fit into a neat box in order to "fit" their office dynamic. It's your job to convince them that you do. 

Being plus size creates a perception all its own, which is dangerously close to stereotypeing. It's easy to see a plus size person and make assumptions on their lifestyle based on exterior. This type of catogorizing affects the possibility of gaining employment, making connections with people, and present and future relationships. The fact is that the perception of plus size people is usually a negative one, which can impact one's day to day activities. For example, as previously stated I asked... When you see a georgous woman in a professional, recreational, or casual setting what are your first thoughts when you see her? What do you notice first? What If I added the fact that this woman is full figured? Does that change the amount of attention you give? 

What about this?

(The following are asked to people who are considered straight size, and their reactions to plus size stimuli, lol)

- If she was interviewing for a position in your company and was qualified; should you consider her weight an issue? Would you think she was a health risk, cost your companies HMO more money to carry her, would she be a lazy worker, or would you simply think she would me more susceptible to calling out? These are the types of worries full figured people face when daring to enter into the career game; that's why most start their own businesses.

- If you saw a gorgeous full figured man/woman would you flirt with that person? If everything about them just turned you on. Would you ask that person out in a date? Give them an invite to your friends get together, or family dinners? Some of you might answer yes to save face. But really if in that situation...would it still be yes? I've met people in real life (associates only! I've not dated them!) that are fine with sexing you (plus size person), ok with hanging out with you (because fat people are funny, entertaining, and confident); but won't interact with outside of a personal setting. 

I'm not trying to change your mind on anything that you believe to be true or untrue, my job is to give you a different view of a world where things or people are not just black and white, up or down, but every color you can possibly imagine and going in infinite directions.

**Please check out my previous blog  Curvylicious 101: What Plus Size Women & Lovers Should know**

PERCEPTION.

Do we have a certain image that creates a perception of who we are or a public face people are use to seeing; thus making it a part of our personalities? For instance, I've found that, if people perceive you as being kind that they assimilate that with being a push over or someone easily coerced into following others. On the flip side, you can be perceived as a tough person; but really that side of you only comes out when negatively provoked. This is just one example of the many ways perception can influence how people think and associate you with their idea of who you are and what they want you to be.

CHANGING NEGATIVE PERCEPTIONS:

To change a negative perception of yourself, you have to first determine if there is one. Honesty, I don't allow anyone's opinion of me change how I feel about myself. I have a strong sense of self and I know what I want. Also, because others are unsure of how to go about reaching their goals they mistake my assertiveness for anger ( totally not an angry person) I'm just hopeful and confident that the things I work hard for actually happen. But in order for that perception of me to change I've adopted ways as to not be aggressive (but still not except bullshit!) My solution: not to be engulfed into subjects that offer a debate on subject that can be ill represented. Try to keep the conversation flowing in a positive direction while standing firm in my agenda or point. I've learned that I don't have to debate fiercely with other people, but except the fact that different people have different opinions (which I'm totally cool with, I just don't want people to attempt to force me to agree with them #Petpeeve #NeverGonnaHappen). Sometimes that works for me because I'm respectful of differences, I just wish that everyone was just as respectful; but I digress. 

If you do attempt to change a negative perception, my suggestion would me to soul search. Find out how to keep peace within yourself and as time progresses you can develope the same for others.

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The Diary of a FAT FASHIONISTA: I don't have anything to wear!

Hello! Lovely, Fluffy, Divas! In the Confessions series we addressed plus size lifestyles that included careers, love, relationships, mental, physical, & emotional aspects of being FAT in a skinny world. In this series, were going to focus more on the journey plus size women take through fashion and coming into their own. Though it's talked about all throughout this blog, this series will be geared for women like myself who have a hard time staying on trends, keeping up with the seasons must have 'IT' item, and everything in between due to the fact that we are slightly heavier than the more solid plus size women. In other words, we might have a little extra in our tummy pockets then other women. This is for the extra meaty sistas of the world, I got you!

I've been going through my closet trying desperately to find something different to wear; The worst feeling in the world is to realize you have absolutely nothing or that you've worn everything in there at least more
than a dozen times. What's a girl to do! Ok ladies, I'm not the only fluffy woman who's thighs rub and because of that your pants start to show wearing in that area; so I know the pain of having to fix a good pair of pants because of it. Also, we truly get tired of mixing and matching the same items over and over. If any of you are like me and crave variety  then we know the same old wardrobe just won't due.

So, whats a big girl to do? First things first, 'New Year' new revelations! Use your connections or make some if you don't have any. Be a little more friendly when going into a store to make a purchase. Become friends with the sales people, in doing that you will find out when new items are coming in; or when something goes on sale. These people will become your fashion insiders; telling you what you need to know.

Next, though you may know this already shop clearence, not just any clearence ALL clearance. We all have our favorite spots to shop, but try to branch out. Go to stores you wouldn't  normally go to find a deal. Basically be more flexable, just because a store doesn't traditionally sell plus sizes doesn't mean they don't have wardrobe pieces that can work with you style. for example, I use to avoid J.C. Penny like the plague because what they offered in plus sizes was hiddious! Some garments fell apart in the wash, lost color, or stretched out. Because of that i stopped shopping there, now I visit a little more often and stick to  the items I now would look good, fit, and above all LAST! I will never find a a pair of pants there to fit me, but at least I can find a good, inexpensive top. 

Finally, ladies we have to get over the fear of the dressing room. This is the place nightmares are made of. I remember when I use to be so scared to go into the dressing room and be disappointed that my heart would pound has I opened the door. Dramatic? Yes. The truth? Hell yes! I don't know if I've completely gotten over the anxiety, but I do know that I've learned how to not let it strike fear in me.

Have you taken something in the dressing room and you were sure it would fit or that you would look good in it, only to find out that it doesn't even come close to what your imagination thought it would look like? Yeah, I've done that too. So, whats the point? How is this going to help you? I'll tell you how. Try not to be upset by the fact that whatever the item is that is doesn't flatter your body, recognize the fact that your found out in the dressing room and not at home, work, or a night out. It's the worse when your busy throughout your day and you have a wardrobe malfunction. So, think of it as saving you from spending money that would be better spent on something that would actually look good. 

ARE PLUS SIZE WOMEN VAIN?

Ladies, lets face it. Although we are plus size we are very vain in a way when it comes to letting the world know that we hold ourselves at a high standard even if they don't. We view it as a shame if your plus sized and not well maintained, in that we may try to squeeze into clothes that have long stop fitting; THIS MUST STOP! In our vanity, we refuse to see that though we're plus size weight has been gained making the size were are, become the size we were. Stop buying things in your old size in an attempt to save face with the fact that your maintain your size instead of growing out of it. Try making positive changes in your diet. Look, I'm no nutritionist but I have the same problem and I try to make healthier choices as to not grow out of my clothes. We all know the bigger you are the more money the clothes cost, but allowing your muffin top to take center attention over your personality, style, and essence of being is a far

bigger crime. 

I'm not therapist, but I call it like it is. I talk about things that have happened to me, or I've gone through myself. Shopping isn't always a quick therapy session, but if your going out to the malls to find something to wear; don't bring baggage with you. If you do, all you will bring how with you is more baggage than what you had the first time. Let the weight of finding something to wear go (no pun intended) in order to find something that fits. 

Stay plus size, sexy, and confident!

Please leave any questions or comments below!

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Curvylicious 101: What Curvy Girls & Lovers Should Know

 It has come to my attention that we are living in a world were men who love plus size women often lie about their fondness for a fluffy woman; and some women refuse to believe they are plus size, also the women that understand their curves are reluctant to accentuate their curves for fear of not being good enough to attract a man's attention. What do we do about these issues surrounding 'Big Love'? That was what I was thinking when I decided write this article. It's crazy to me that even in today's world where we (as a plus size community) has conquered so much when it comes to love, sex, relationships, and what have you; that we are still subject to the same old society norms that surround the curvier sexes.

 Speaking from experience, and that of some friends; I think I've encountered every type of man that is a "Fat Lover".


 1. There's the: I"ll be cool in your face, but won't say two words to you in front of my friends guy.
  
2. It's the: I'll tease you about your weight, but I still want to SMASH (have sex with you) guy.  

3. The closet 'fat admirer': this the guy who has a petite or skinny girlfriend whom he goes out with and is a good show piece on his arm, but really wants to go out with her plus size friend. This guy has also disguised himself as best friend to the plumper woman and runs to her with problems he may have in his relationships. She becomes a substitute girlfriend, mother, Wife, and Confidant to him, he might get to smash (have sex) this so called 'best friend'; but will quickly dismiss her when he is done rebounding from his heartache.

 4. We have the: ain't nothing better than a big girl guy (totally self explanatory).

5. The 'one hit wonder': this is the dude who wants to be with a big girl for the first time to see how the sex will compare to that of the smaller woman, then he turns into #3 the 'Closet Fat Admirer' or C.F.A.

6. Is the guy who is only a friend who doesn't see a plus size friend as a sexual interest at all (though she may want more than a friendship).

7. Winter time boo, this is the guy who want to shack up and mooch off a plus size woman through the winter time. He has no job, doesn't go to school, and no ambition. He just want to be taken in and taken care of until the spring or when it gets warm outside and the weather gets nice. And lastly... 


8. The guy who finds plus size women totally disgusting, but won't say it to your face. 

With all the obstacles that surround us, now wonder most of us are confused about situations that can arise and WRONG signals that men send out. Also, about how we plus size women respond to those signals, and also to put to bed so to speak about how we as women feel about ourselves in regards to these types of situations and men we may encounter that can play a part in our point of views about our lives, and the people we allow in them. So to help out my sisters, I've come up with some ways to tell men about the themselves; while helping my sisters to understand why they allow some of these situations to occur.

 Let's start with the MEN in our lives (and the one's we can't seem to get rid of)!

1. Guys, we are no longer in high school where if you pretend to not like a plus size woman; and go out of your way to make her feel uncomfortable, then assume that it can be interpreted as you really like her. FALSE! when you act like that we really think you don't like us, so to avoid an uncomfortable situation we stay away from you! That's not sexy or a turn on its repellent.

2. Don't attempt to use a plus size woman as a fall back or runner's up to the girl that your really interested in. All your doing is creating unnecessary DRAMA. Leading someone on for your own selfish reason is already messed up, then to add insult to injury makes it 10x worse; just don't do it!

3. Plus size women are not your personal therapists, we may have great insight into somethings; but we cannot solve your problems for you. If you get yourself into a situation that has come back to bite you in your ass, be a grown man a fix it. Stop running to women who act as your caregiver to fix it for you.

4. We are NOT Winter time boo's! Don't seek out a plus size woman for the Winter months, then drop her as soon as Spring time comes around. That's not only messed up, but can really hurt that woman's sense of self  and/or self worth. What if we did that to you?

5. We are not toys! You can't pick us up and play with us when its convenient for you.

6. If a woman changes her number and move six times without telling you, that means she doesn't want you in her life. Take the hint and stalk someone else.

For the LADIES!

1.  In sex, don't let the guy think he's moving mountains, when really he's not even  in the right zip code. In the end your the one losing out not him; he's already got his rocks off.

2. If you let him treat you like a side chick, than eventually that's what you will become. There is nothing wrong with wanting more from a relationship and attempting to establish just that. If he can't give it to you, move on.




 3. Are you running an outreach program for lazy ass men? Then you are your allowing them to run over you, while you cook, clean, work, go to school, or raise children while they watch you?  A man about his happy home and concern for his woman would share in the burden of these situations, not contribute to them.

4. If you love you, then others will too! You get what you put out, if your always putting yourself down then its a good chance you will attract people who will do the same. In the process you can possibly push good people away from you, because they simply don't want to be around negative people.

5. Not everyone who says they are your friend actually is. I know we've all heard this before but its as TRUE now as is has always been. It applies to men, women, family, and  friends. Hard Fact, some people befriend a plus size girl because they pose no threat to them (other women) or so they think.  Often women treat other women worst than a man ever could, when a plus size girl goes to the club we are there to party and relax like everyone else not to be a purse holder, zoo keeper, or designated driver. Ladies, take these types of people out of your life.

6. As I've said before in past blog posts, you should not ever be ashamed of who you are. Don't hide all your lusciousness for fear that you will not be attractive, love your flab. If your not trying to diet, and are ok with you; then embrace your look, change it if you feel the need, or just try to step out of your comfort zone. Know your truth, no one knows what or who you are but you. Don't let anyone dictate your purpose in this world. If you don't know, then allow yourself to take the risk to find out and explore possibilities.

I hope I was able to shine some light on plus size relationships and the situations we can somehow find ourselves in. If you have a subject you want to suggest or something that you have an issue with that you want to discuss please leave it in the comments section. Stay beautiful, Plus Size, and Sexy!

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